Rush Limbaugh Signature Condoms

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Oh Yeah? Well, I'm Back!

That's right, motherfuckers. Six months after my 600th post, and big, big changes in the life of Olaf, it's time to resume the endless rant. The political and social situation is as grave as ever and who's going to save this country if not me?

After getting through the swine flu, changing my hairstyle, and accidently shaving off my beard, I'm rested and ready to start swinging again, one little man against the capitalist bastards who remain in control. You thought the election of Obama had silenced me? Did you think that everything was hunky-dory? It didn't and it's not. We continue to live in a country that always ensures the exemption of the rich from the prices they must pay for their avarice and stupidity, as well as the bovine timidity of a population of TV-hypnotized zombies who wouldn't know a revolution unless it seized their remote control in the name of Marx and Engels.

You dig?

Lassie Takes Another Dump

Ever notice how porcine Rush Limbaugh is? I mean besides his considerably bloated and disgusting self. But I've never seen or heard a pig orally emit such defecation as the Hillbilly Heroin Homeboy has repeatedly done, and this week had to be a topper. From Limbaugh's own toilet of a website:

The Somali pirates, the merchant marine organizers who took a US merchant captain hostage for five days were inexperienced youths, the defense secretary, Roberts Gates, said yesterday, adding that the hijackers were between 17 and 19 years old. Now, just imagine the hue and cry had a Republican president ordered the shooting of black teenagers on the high seas...
...They were kids. The story is out, I don't know if it's true or not, but apparently the hijackers, these kids, the merchant marine organizers, Muslim kids, were upset, they wanted to just give the captain back and head home because they were running out of food, they were running out of fuel, they were surrounded by all these US Navy ships, big ships, and they just wanted out of there. That's the story, but then when one of them put a gun to the back of the captain, Mr. Phillips, then bam, bam, bam. There you have it, and three teenagers shot on the high seas at the order of President Obama.

Now remember, this is the jackass who repeatedly played "Barack the Magic Negro on his cesspit radio show, and has just about every credential an aspiring racist might want to acquire. And yet now the pirates are poor, black, teenage "merchant marine organizers." Truly, in the history of rhetorical dishonesty, this is a high-water mark.

But just for your own morbid curiosity, if you can arrange a thorough disinfection of your computer and everything that touches it, go over to Junkie Jerk's site and read it for yourself. Then find a shower like the one in Silkwood and get the shit scrubbed off with steel-bristle brushes.

Quite frankly, I'm not able to comment much on this idiot's ravings because it's like trying to find a corner on a sphere--yeah a sphere as engorged and polluted as the Hillbilly Heroin Homeboy.

Hillbilly Heroin Homeboy and Fearless Leader Combined

I've been looking at this picture for a bit (yes, it's hideous, but I must endure such torment for research purposes) and it reminded me of a celebrity from my childhood. Then it hit me.

Lassie taking a shit.

Beyond that, this drug addict, college dropout, anal-cyst-get-outa-Vietnam, lard bucket, fascistic, thrice-divorced egomaniac is the de facto leader of the Republican Party of Family Values, although he claims otherwise. In other words, this is the best of their best in terms of ideas, presentation, and recognition. Prominent Repubs who speak out of turn quickly bend over and beg his forgiveness and accept his cigar, the fastest being RNC chairman Michael Steele, who offered his sweet cheeks 51 minutes after offending the Limbaughistas. Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal joined the daisy chain soon after, remarking of Steele's total capitulation, "I'm glad he apologized." After Jindal's response to Obama's speech last Tuesday was called even by conservative columnist David Brooks "insane" and "a disaster for the Republican party," Jindal was probably grateful that the Hillbilly Heroin Homeboy went on the warpath for him. "The people on our side are making a real mistake if they go after Bobby Jindal," Limbaugh said on his radio show.

However, let me congratulate the fat fuck on kicking his addiction, even though he still has to show up for piss tests to ensure he's clean. But as is the sad case for most addicts, one addiction is traded for another. In his case, one might suspect he traded Oxycontin for Twinkies deep fried in hog lard smothered in bacon grease and served on a slab of fatback covered in hot fudge. But it's legal.

Oh yeah--this is my 600th post. Now I know why that novel never gets anywhere.

Gonzo's Own Reality Distortion Field

Remember this twerp? He presided over the attempted destruction of the Justice Department while Attorney General of the United States and the use of torture and the attack on habeas corpus, etc. Well now poor Gonzo can't find a job and he's going to be hauled up before a "truth commission." Here is his reaction to that.

“My view has always been to be as cooperative as possible,” said Gonzales, “and that’s what I’ve been with respect to everything. As far as I’m concerned I’ve got nothing to hide and I’ll cooperate. Every time I’ve been asked to cooperate, I’ve cooperated. In terms of what happens in the future, I’m not going to comment on that, but that is what I’ve done in the past.”

This is a guy who invoked the "I do not recall" defense 60 times during his hearing before the Senate. Yeah, Gonzo, you're a stand-up guy. I have a feeling that he's going to sell out the entire Bush administration now that he realizes he was totally used, being the dope that he is.

Meanwhile, as further proof that the Republican party, having failed to destroy the country, is intent on destroying itself, celebrates Gonzo.

Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales appeared at a forum on Republicans and the Hispanic vote at the Capitol Hill Club this morning, getting a standing ovation from the crowd when he was pointed out by the moderator.

The Repubs are determined to erase themselves from history by celebrating criminality while increasingly appealing to only the most backward enclaves of the rural South.

Good luck to them. With the raging Hillbilly Heroin Homeboy, Rush Limbaugh, and the screeching Sean Hannity at the helm, I'd say they're not only crashing into the iceberg, but setting off dynamite charges in the bilge at the same time.

A Fleet of These Ten Times Bigger

Take this design, but make it ten times larger. Build a few hundred of them. Then, with unemployed citizens at the controls, converge on the Capitol, and make it clear that tax cuts are of no use to the unemployed, the homeless, and those bankrupted by health care costs. The "stimulus" bill, a bastard child of phony bipartisanship in which three Republican senators are able to compromise the will of the American people and make a full 35% of the stimulus a series of tax cuts, reflects the total corruption of our political system. The Democrats, too timid and dumb to assert their power--given to them by the people--have allowed the Republicans to dictate the terms of this package, which is too small and terribly misdirected.

This is a scandalous crime! The need is for jobs, jobs, jobs! God damn it, how many times do I have to scream at the Obama administration that you should not waste time or energy trying to compromise with people who are fanatical ideologues who would rather destroy a nation than face the reality of their own failures and the sheer idiocy of their belief that tax cuts solve everything.

A thousand giant spider robots. How cool is that? Robots are beautiful. Spider robots are magnificent.

Where Is Richard Widmark When We Really Need Him

Haven't we heard enough, and hasn't the world heard enough from this evil fuck? Jesus, his whole crazy world view has been totally repudiated (wrong on: WMD, greeted as liberators in Iraq, on the economy, on energy policy, gun safety, etc. etc.) but he still can't shut the fuck up. Why he isn't dragged by his heels to war crimes trials in the Hague is inexplicable. He destroyed our credibility in the world, and he is now completely distorting the Obama administration's policy with regard to terrorism and Al Qaeda.

What a waste of protoplasm.

On Becoming Godzilla

Would someone please tell the Democratic leadership that they won the last election overwhelmingly? And further, please explain that when the Republicans don't like what they're doing about the economy, or anything else for that matter, their reaction should be precisely that of Godzilla to terrified Japanese.

Crush them. Godzilla does not compromise. He destroys.

Somebody, please, find that locker in Union Station where the Dems put their testicles.

At Least a Classy Exit

Although I may be a monster to some for my criticism of the Bush presidency, I have to give props to President Bush for a smooth transition and a very classy speech to his followers in Midland, Texas, today. It doesn't negate what has gone before, but he deserves respect for understanding the importance to our republic that the transition of power go smoothly, and that his successor may well determine his final legacy.

And now a new era begins.

You're In, President Obama. Now Let's Get Moving.

Once the celebrations are over, I hope that Mr. Obama will come out of the gate in a furious rush to tackle the problems we face and to help all of us shape the future into a true expression of our national mythology. Whatever the politics, it is amazing to consider that this was the 43rd peaceful transition of power in this country, and I must tip my hat to outgoing President Bush for overseeing what appears to be a very smooth transition.

Until tomorrow, then, let's celebrate a new day, but understand that the work ahead will be without end, that obstacles will be difficult to overcome, and that mistakes will be made. But it is hard not to hope.

In fact, it is impossible not to hope.

Good Fucking Riddance...

...and don't let the gate hit your asses on the way out.

Bush Contemplates His Legacy

And it even makes him sick to his stomach.

Either that or his bullshit has finally backed up on him and his head is going to explode.

But then, I'm an optimist.

The Way It Is, Baby

What can I say? Hey, is this thing on? I knoe you're out there, 'cause I can hear you burping. How 'bout some comments, y'all?

Bipartisanship Is for Weaklings

And here are two of them, so terrified of the Republicans who fucking LOST the House, the Senate, and the White House, that they are going to piss away the opportunity to put this nation back on the path of progress.

Get rid of these losers and put some leadership in Congress that understands what having power means. If there is one thing that should have been learned in the last eight years is that you do not bargain with ideological extremists--you destroy them.

But the Democratic Party, co-opted by money as easily as the Republicans (there's really just one party--the party of power over YOU), will fail to create a comprehensive health care system (read single-payer, eliminating insurance companies), will fail to end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (defense industry lobbyists, anyone), and will be as effective at turning the economy around as a eunuch at an orgy is at knocking up the entire harem. Pelosi and Reid have spent so much of their integrity and capital gaining the power they now relish, that they will do nothing that might, even in the remotest sense, require them to go to the mat with the opposition.

And that makes them the opposition. They're worthless. Dump 'em.

And meanwhile, Dr. Howard Dean, who more than anyone deserves credit for restoring a Democratic majority, is totally dissed by the Obama team.

I thought there was change in the air. But it's just the same old stink of chickenshit and bullshit.

First Lorena Bobbitt, Now This

Guess we'll be sleeping on our stomachs for a while longer.

It's funny but also terribly tragic. The guy died, and his home was destroyed, and with his wife (who set his genitals on fire) going to the clink, his three kids will be essentially orphaned.

Atheists Speak Up

Here's one for the A-team--a group in Britain has countered biblical slogans on buses with their own message on London's red double-deckers: "There's probably no god. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life." The Guardian UK has the story and a nice video with Ariane Sherine explaining why she started the campaign, and Richard Dawkins, author of The God Delusion, commenting. One interesting point Dawkins makes is that whenever atheists state their point of view, it is considered strident, but it's perfectly acceptable to pronounce that all non-believers will burn for all eternity in a lake of fire.

And take note of that "probably" in the bus poster. That's the sign of open minds.

Pinnacle of Incompetence?

Any part of the world where things aren't worse? The latest blowup in the Gaza strip reveals how stunningly weak the US has become in influencing anything anywhere, short of military intervention, which, under the Bush clown car team, can go either way, but is generally equally failed as everything else. But Condi Rice is on a whole other plane. Now she can claim total failure in the mideast as Secretary of State, terrible relations with Russia as our alleged "Soviet Expert," and, of course, being National Security Adviser while 9/11 happened and two wars went horribly wrong.

Heckuva job, Condi! I'm sure you'll be rewarded with a cushy job back at Stanford.

The Winter So Far

This is our situation in the early morning. Actually, even with all the shoveling involved, it's still pretty cool to have this much snow. Perhaps the drought is over for a while.

Meanwhile, the Chimpie Disaster Project is trying to wring every failure and fuckup out of the last fifteen days of its tenure. I can only hope their plans to torch the White House will be scuttled by their unparalleled general incompetence. "I thought you had the matches?"

I Think Something May Be Wrong with Our Water Supply

Happy New Year and welcome to Otto, the newest addition to the Rotkohl household. We adopted him--he'd been dumped, apparently--and now he's fattened up, denutted (so he can't reproduce), and totally at home. I've not really been a cat person, so I have been amused at how he just came in and took over, compared to doggy Dorothy who has remained obedient, deferential, and loyal to a fault. And yes, the two tolerate one another quite nicely, although Dorothy occasionally annoys Otto by trampling him in her enthusiasm to go for a walk.

What, you say, no snarky or rage-filled diatribes? Not today. I feel mellow (it may be the single-malt I sipped for a while). Take it while you can get it.