Chimpie Dreams a Dream

Just go here--it's hysterical...except that a few more rollovers on the Patriot Act, a few compliant judges, and it ain't so funny any more.

Meme Time

I've started seeing the acronym B-FOB and I like the catchiness of it: B-FOB...Blind Followers of Bush. With Bush a clear loser and incompetent to beat the band, now that his numbers are falling and even people like David Brooks are criticizing his failure to face reality, this tag is going to stick to his acolytes and apologists like stink on a monkey's butt. Use it everywhere, pass it along to your friends. Practice saying it with disdain: "Bee-FOB," as in "Oh, you don't have to explain a thing. You're a Bee-FOB. Message received and understood."

Beware the rabid B-FOBs!

President Receives Blowjob!

If Dan Froomkin over at the Washington Post is telling the truth, and I don't hear any squawking that he isn't, maybe this will explain the disgrace to journalism that our mainstream kneepad press has become:

About 50 members of the White House press corps accepted President Bush's invitation last night to come over to his house in Crawford, eat his food, drink his booze, hang around the pool and schmooze with him -- while promising not to tell anyone what he said afterward.

It's something of a Bush tradition, a way of saying thank you to journalists for whom an extended stay in the Crawford area is anything but a vacation.

I'd like to have a list of those fifty journalists so that they can be branded for what they are--whores. If you dine at Bush's table, drink his whiskey, and flex your gluteus maximus at his poolside, then you are no objective reporter; in fact, it's clear that you aren't even trying to be the least bit objective. These whores are as addicted to the access to power as a crackhead is to a bag 'o rock, and just as shameless at degrading themselves as any crack whore would be, except that addiction is a sickness, and these motherfuckers have a choice unimpeded by chemical addiction. They can choose to follow in the tradition of I.F. Stone and take nothing from power so that they need not worry about damaging personal relations and thus report the truth, or they can strap on the kneepads and suck Chimpie's cock all day at the "ranch."

By the way, that ain't ranch dressing dripping down your chin, you bukkake reporters. Froomkin continues with notes after the dinner.

And later, a small handful watched askance as the rest fawned over Bush, following him around in packs every time he moved.

Oh, to get my hands on a tape of that gangbang!

Anyone know the names of these two-bit slutbuckets?

Specks and Spots

First of all, you have to love the Rude Pundit. A friend of mine won't read him. "He's too fucking crazy," he claims. Well, perhaps, but the Rude One is always able to carry the argument or observation to a new angle of understanding, shining light where sometimes we don't like to look, but always where we need to look. Plus, he's so damned funny, like in yesterday's piece, The Jolly Rancher:

The Rude Pundit said it a couple of days ago, and he'll continue to say it: This is all just getting embarassing. Around the nation, the majority of Americans now cringe with gut-churning fear and shame whenever they hear George W. Bush speak. Indeed, localities are appealling to the federal government for emergency funds to deal with sewage overflows from all the vomit and diarrhea that an angst-ridden population is puking and shitting when Bush appears on the news.

In my judgment, Chimpie's speechifying just adds yet another unfunded mandate to communities across the country. What I thought was an irritable bowel syndrome, or perhaps the onset of Crohn's Disease just turns out to be a natural reaction to the sound of the worst president in the history of North America, or even the whole hemisphere. The Rude Pundit's diagnosis of my condition has saved me a lot of anxiety.

Meanwhile, the dipshits over at Human Events Online are getting touchy about the Operation Yellow Elephant campaign, and once again demonstrate a completely void understanding of rhetoric:

The Left assumes that people must be involved in an activity in order to express an opinion about it. If that were the case, not many people could express opinions about anything since they would be limited to their own fields. Only teachers could discuss education policy, only construction workers could discuss growth and zoning policy, only policemen could discuss drug policy, and only social workers could discuss Welfare policy.

Roger Custer, who fashioned this argument, tries, with all the logic of a Creationist (not that he is one) to make equivalence between totally disparate pairings. First of all, the Left hardly assumes that "people must be involved in an activity in order to express an opinion about it," because those on the Left are indeed talking about war without participating in it. So that cuts Custer's argument at its base. But let's go further. Say that Custer is right, and the rule becomes that you can't talk about something unless you are involved in it. Would that limit education discussion only to teachers? Of course not, since students, parents, administrators, potential employers, scholarship funders, and the members of the society whose lives are affected--everybody--in other words, is "involved" in education.

Besides, don't we often hear the argument that if you are really concerned about something, then perhaps you should take direct action to change it? Concerned about education, become a teacher or work on a school board. Worried about drugs in your town, get involved in a citizens group. So doesn't it follow that if you think war is a good thing, you should do something that directly benefits those fighting it beyond flapping your gums? And what could be a more sincere show of support than putting your body on the line?

You see, Custer claims that the Left is trying to shut him up, which is a flat lie. All that he's being asked to do is demonstrate his dedication to his point of view.

Oh, and Mr. Custer, I was a volunteer to our military in time of war--1971. Couldn't you return the favor as a true demonstration of your ferver? I mean, come on. "Fighting the battle of ideas?" Shit, man, that's chickenshit chickenhawk chatter. Imagine the credibility you'd have on those campuses if you shipped over to Iraq and greased a few Arabs. Then you could say, "Yeah, dudes! I was there, blowing those fuckers away left and right, and let me tell you, man...it's righteous!"

Fat fucking chance. Yellow Elephant pants-pissers. Keep talking Custer-boy. You're just proving the point of it always being the poor dying in the rich white man's war forever cheered on by the gutless cowards like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and their fellow wet-ass bitches.

Dead Democrats

Where in the name of all that is holy, unholy and otherwise are the fucking Democrats? When I left the party after the debacle of 2000 (timidity and incompetence are not an attractive package), most people, including my wife, said that I should support the Democrats anyway, because what alternative is there?

Well, I can give the answer now: there apparently IS no alternative...to the Republicans. Jesus, it's Republican Chuck Hagel who is standing up against King Chimpie's insanity on the Iraq war? Where in fuck's name is a prominent, in-office Democrat making as much noise?

This morning on the Diane Rehm show, kneepad journalist substitute host Steve Roberts held a discussion with Democratic strategist Donna Brazile, Ben Brandzel of MoveOn.org, and Matt Bennett of Third Way. At one point Roberts, true to form as lapdog to mainstream D.C. politics, brought up perennial lost Bob Shrum's comments about the party's need to compromise, become mainstream, blah, blah, blah. That fucking strategy has worked marvelously, don't you think? How'd you like President Gore's term, or Supreme Fucking Wimp Loser John Kerry's tenure as president? The Dems have chickened out on playing hard-fucking-ball against the corrupt and shameless Republican fascist juggernaut and they still, after ass-whippings that would have any Poindexter planning murder in the schoolyard, can't seem to say and do what needs to be said. We are in a god damned war for the country against a gang of criminals unsurpassed for their self-interest, venality, vindictiveness, and threat to democratic freedom.

What a joy it would have been if Ben Brandzel had said, "Fuck Bob Shrum and all his traitor motherfucking moneygrubbing asslicking associates! They're the whole fucking problem with the party!" But alas, even MoveOn.org's folks have to show some decorum and not strangle the host at the mention of Shrum's name. Too bad.

So long as the Democratic party politicians squirm under their desks begging not to be fucked too brutally yet again, I've got no use for them. We need a new party with new blood and guts, or else it's over.

I'm going to go cry or puke now; I'm not sure which.

How Low Can the Expectations Go?

Think back, back, back, to a time when a chimp-like creature stuffed the crotch of his flight suit and strutted on the deck of a US aircraft carrier to declare the end of major combat operations in Iraq. Remember that? Oh, so glorious, wasn't it? Yes, and it was played over and over on television screens everywhere, with pundit bootlickers like Peggy Noonan wetting her panties over how "manly" that simian creature looked in uniform.

Yeah, well, how far we've fallen, eh? The New York Times, despite its rah-rah runup to the war, courtesy of the now-jailed Judith Miller, is even recognizing the desperation of the Bushits in the reality of Iraq, so distant from the highpoint of the ape in the flightsuit declaration of "victory."

Americans continue dying in Iraq, but their mission creeps steadily downward. The nonexistent weapons of mass destruction dropped out of the picture long ago. Now the United States seems ready to walk away from its fine words about helping the Iraqis create a beacon of freedom, harmony and democracy for the Middle East. All that remains to be seen is whether the White House has become so desperate for an excuse to declare victory that it will settle for an Iranian-style Shiite theocracy.

Now, in addition to betraying our own citizens, the Bushit team is betraying woman, minorities, and secularists in Iraq.

Mission accomplished!

The Mask Is Off for Good

Despite Pat Robertson's long history of hypocrisy, and setting aside his agreement with goofball Jerry Falwell that gays were responsible for 9/11 or that God should kill some Supreme Court justices, he still manages to collect enough of the deluded, ignorant, illiterate, and corrupt to constitute some sort of coalition of the strange, comprised of folks who screech their Christianity while at the same time behaving in ways that clearly would piss even Jesus H. Christ himself off enough to want to smite them mightily. But he wouldn't, of course, being a real, and the original, Christian figure. So I address this post to you Robertson acolytes in the hope that it will save you and your souls, because now the evidence is irrefutable and undeniable.

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson has suggested that American agents assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."
...
"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said Monday on the Christian Broadcast Network's "The 700 Club."

Leaving aside the bizarre pairing of communism and radical Islam, which reveals how completely vapid Robertson's quality of analysis is, there is no longer any reason to give this fuckwad an audience. Pat Robertson is a hypocrite. Pat Robertson is not a Christian. Pat Robertson is dangerous. Pat Robertson needs to assume his rightful place as the raving nutway preacher in Shithole, Virginia, deep in the holler, handling snakes and doing hands-on healing a la Ernest Angeley for the fools who would believe him even if he ate their children in front of them, with a dollop of A1. And it gets better.

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson said. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... and I don't think any oil shipments will stop."

And there you have it--shoot a legally elected leader of a neighboring country to seize his oil and save a little dough in the process. So Christian, so very, very Christian. Of course, it's not Christlike in the least, and it will be very interesting to see which Christian leaders rush to defend or condemn Robertson, because silence will not reflect well on the increasingly marginalized place of radical Christianity in this society. Despite all the godfearing that allegedly exists in the US, we're still fundamentally a secular society, and the quickest route to irrelevance for a religion is to fail to distance itself from those who pollute and pervert its most basic teachings.

And consider the likely reaction of South American Catholics, who are feeling the heat from the nutwad evangelical movement in their own lands. Given Robertson's prominence in the evangelical community, I can't believe that our friends to the south are going to take kindly to exhortations to kill their elected leaders so we can prevent disruptions in oil, copper, cocaine, or cheap labor.

And It's One, Two, Three, What're We Fightin' For?

Don't ask me, I don't give a damn, etc. (Thanks to Country Joe and the Fish)

Well, boys and girls, here's what the sacrifice of American GIs and Iraqi civilians has produced, manifested as a draft constitution:

The draft also stipulates that Iraq is an Islamic state and that no law can contradict the principles of Islam, Shiite and Kurdish negotiators said. Opponents have charged that last provision would subject Iraqis to religious edicts by individual clerics.

The Shiite and Kurdish negotiators also said draft calls for the presence of Islamic clerics on the court that would interpret the constitution. Family matters such as divorce, marriage or inheritance would be decided either by religious law or civil law as an individual chooses -- a condition that opponents say would likely lead to women being forced into unfavorable rulings for them by opponents demanding judgments under Islamic law.

So, Islamic law, Shiite domination under Iranian influence, and a mechanism by which men can continue to oppress women (who, in a divorce, gets to choose whether secular or Islamic law is applied?)

Yes, they're going to produce something that Chimpie and company are dreaming of for this country, just substituting mullahs Dobson, Robertson, and Falwell and the Bible in place of the Islamic clerics waving the Koran. And, just to show that we're not kidding, Robertson has issued a fatwa that a duly elected leader of a South American neighbor be assassinated. Shades of Salman Rushdie.

Good job!

Chimpie in Exile

Doesn't Chimpie begin to resemble Ferdinand Marcos all of a sudden? Well, maybe that's my own twisted take on all that happened last week, but increasingly he seems trapped and then booted from one location to another. He retreats to Crawford, and Cindy Sheehan pressures him into running away to Idaho, to dwell among white supremacists, I suppose. Now he's headed to Salt Lake City to speak to another hand-picked audience and try to make the moronic war in Iraq the equivalent of World War II. And, of course, having complete run out of lies to tell to justify the involvment and having yet had a single assertion actually prove to be true, he's going to pull out that old chestnut as rationalization that 9/11 made Iraq necessary.

Senior aides say Bush will attempt to portray the Iraq conflict in the context of long wars like World War II, which U.S. forces fought from 1941 to 1945.

They said the president also will invoke the September 11, 2001, attacks, arguing once again that the insurgents battling American troops in Iraq share the same ideology as the al Qaeda operatives who crashed hijacked jetliners into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and a Pennsylvania field.

This is the rhetoric of desperation, when you recirculate lies that didn't pass the smell test the first time around. Bush is either so cynical or naive about the public's memory that he things this will work. And as his aides try to steer him only to venues which will preserve his delusion of righteousness, the rats are deserting the ship.

Hagel said "stay the course" is not a policy. "By any standard, when you analyze 2 1/2 years in Iraq ... we're not winning," he said.

President Bush was preparing for separate speeches this week to reaffirm his plan to help Iraq train its security forces while its leaders build a democratic government. In his weekly Saturday radio address, Bush said the fighting there protected Americans at home.

Polls show the public growing more skeptical about Bush's handling of the war.

Note that even as polls reflect the general public's increasing disillusionment with Chimpie's war, and a prominent Republican explicitly contradicts El Presidente's repeat assertions of victory, Bush remains true to script and true to form, unable to acknowledge anything counter to his calcified view of reality.

This guy must be fucking nuts.

Oh, yeah, Ferdinand Marcos . . . what I was getting at that even though Bush is headed to Salt Lake, which he must think will be a nice conservative bastion of monolithic Mormon support and will thus validate his endless repetition of lies, the mayor of SLC is calling out for mass protests to welcome the visit.

Naturally, as in Crawford, knee-jerk Republican supporter of Chimpie will organize a counter-protest, which is fine with me. There is one thing, however, that should be included in their preparations to support El Presidente and his misguided policies. Make sure that Army and Marine recruiting stations are set up around the counter-protest. Nothing tests sincerity like putting your life on the line. I'm sure a lot of those Brigham Young students will be eager to join to go and kill some infidels.

Hillbilly Heroin Homeboy On the Road to Oblivion

He'll end up as just another fat, drug-addicted has-been. At least in Minnesota, Rush Limbaugh's brutal daily public exhibition of the effects of human rabies is losing its appeal. And it's even worse for Sean "I'm So Stupid , I Think that I Think" Hannity, who is tanking like Mike Tyson squaring off against Buster Douglas.

Locally, conservative-talk icon Rush Limbaugh's show has lost 43 percent of its audience among 25- to 54-year-olds in the past year. Sean Hannity's show is down a whopping 63 percent. The shift is serious enough that "we're weighing where these shows fit for us in the future," according to Todd Fisher, general manager at KSTP (1500 AM), which carries both syndicated programs.

In a year or too, when the Vulgar Pigboy is found dead on the toilet like Elvis, clutching a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich, Daryn Kagan, current squeeze (doesn't that make you just shudder?) will tell her interviewer, "No one knew he was in so much pain."

Wrong. No one cared that he was in so much pain.