Let's Give Thanks for All the Suckers

I don't hear this saying much these days, which surprises me, but some of you are familiar with it: "Don't piss down my leg and tell me it's raining." I can't think of another aphorism (epigram?) that is more apt to describe the Bushit mentality than that, except that it is far too mild. Something more in line with their actions would be, "Don't shit on my dining table, rape my daughters, burn my house down, torture my sons and detain them for years without charge, destroy my infrastructure, torch the environment, shovel all my cash to your rich buddies and then tell me your defending my interests. Oh, yeah, and don't leave my ports, chemical and nuclear facilities open to sabotage while paying Halliburton to overcharge our underequipped troops for meals and tell me we're secure." For a complete listing of failures, lies, incompetence, and general criminality, see Bush Watch and add it to your bookmarks.

Of course, allegedly 59 million suckers voted for these criminals, so some people obviously do think that a golden shower from Dick Cheney's lifted leg is just a nice acidic warm spring rain. And you know, that should give some of us comfort, knowing that so many are so gullible for such hucksterism as shoveled by the Bushits. If there's anything to keep the economy going, it's a bunch of unquestioning mass consumers whose total measure of anything is precisely what their Repug leaders and blowdried and powdered fundamentalist TV preachers tell them. If I were a marketer, I'd be devising products and sales plans targeting precisely that segment of the poopulation.

Let's say we come up with a Rapture Detector/Gaydar system to enable parents of young children to sweep their childrens' friends and classmates to see if they are of the chosen and rapture-ready as well as not gay. Call it the "Patriot Wand" and maybe make it in the shape of the cross with a built-in electronic Bible and concordance for easy reference. Available options would include a remote shocking device to prevent children from masturbating as well as a 130db siren of James Dobson screaming "You'll burn in hell!" to offset any negative language about the Bushit administration, the Christian right, or talk of equal rights for anyone except heterosexual male Christian Republicans. Include a radio that receives only Rush "Hillbilly Heroin Homeboy" Limbaugh and Sean "I sure don't hope anyone realizes how truly stupid I am" Hannity. Perhaps, if you turn it upside down, it reveals Ann Coulter in a nice black leather dominatrix outfit...or Karl Rove. Get that packaged in red, white, and blue for $119.95 and we're rich, baby!