The Giant Cockroach

If you live in Florida, or in Phoenix, Arizona, you're probably familiar with the giant flying cockroaches that live there. Yes, I know they're called "palmetto bugs" in Florida, but they're cockroaches nonetheless. My experience with them while living in an older part of Phoenix years ago was instructive. They tended to live outside mostly, but occasionally one would find its way into the house, and pop out from behind the toaster, clatter under the microwave, then jump to a crack in the cabinet, all the while with me in hot pursuit. Usually, because I really hate having one in the house, I'd finally catch it between hiding places and then have to smash it, which was like stepping on a roller skate if you happened to use your shoe, so big and full of mush those roaches were. The crunch, however, was very satisfying.

So every time I see Tom "the Bugman" Delay, I am immediately transported back to that kitchen in Phoenix, madly chasing a giant flying cockroach, because Delay's recent scrambling in the face of his malfeasance in so many areas is analogous to that experience. He is quick, tough, able to vault and even take wing for short distances, but in the end he's too big to hide and, despite his hard exterior shell, repulsive appearance, and ability to live comfortably in sewers, he's going to be crushed. It will, to be sure, leave a huge mess, but the satisfaction of removing such a despicable pest from the scene will make it bearable.

Crunch!