Bush Signs with Fingers Crossed: "King's X!" he declares. Too bad we're not in the schoolyard any longer.

The Chimperor, after realizing that being the lone holdout against a ban on torture was beginning to darken his already shit-and blood-stained legacy, grudgingly signed the McCain bill banning cruel, unusual, or degrading treatment. However, not being of sufficient intellect to deal in nuance and debate whether the interstices left between the definition of "torture" and "cruel, unusual, or degrading treatment" as his buttlicking minions have started to do, Bush resorted to another of his childish responses to real-world politics.

After approving the bill last Friday, Bush issued a ''signing statement" -- an official document in which a president lays out his interpretation of a new law -- declaring that he will view the interrogation limits in the context of his broader powers to protect national security. This means Bush believes he can waive the restrictions, the White House and legal specialists said.

''The executive branch shall construe [the law] in a manner consistent with the constitutional authority of the President . . . as Commander in Chief," Bush wrote, adding that this approach ''will assist in achieving the shared objective of the Congress and the President . . . of protecting the American people from further terrorist attacks."

That's right, he pulled the old, "Naw, naw, naw, naw nad--King's X! Doesn't count!"

The real force behind it all, of course, is Dick "Champion of Evil" Cheney who made his belief in the Emperor of the USA mode of rule even clearer:

Vice President Dick Cheney recently told reporters, ''I believe in a strong, robust executive authority, and I think that the world we live in demands it. . . . I would argue that the actions that we've taken are totally appropriate and consistent with the constitutional authority of the president."

You know, maybe I should agree with this, because imagine that some opposition party--I can't think of one, but just humor me--was voted into power after a successful campaign against the abuses of the Bushit administration. The new president then wouldn't have to bother with justice or legislative issues. In the interest of national security--and who is a bigger threat to it than the Bush-Cheney cabal of evil--he could have the former leadership remanded to a military prison by the power of his or her "strong, robust executive authority," and then, by God, let the games begin!

I always wanted to be an interrogator.