Evolution? Creationism? Here, My Friends, Is ULTIMATE TRUTH!

I knew it! Those transcendent moments I've been having were not just LSD flashbacks.

Welcome to my new theology. Here's an excerpt from a letter requesting equal time in the classroom for the Flying Spaghetti Monster:

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

And be sure to visit the pictures honoring Our Creator.

And to quote Kramer, I wanna be a pirate!