The True Heart of Young Republicanism

Taking their cue from chickenshit chickenhawks George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Pearl, Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and countless other right-wing warlovers, young Republicans have learned that hypocrisy and insincerity are valuable assets. This summer, I want all college Republicans to really examine their hearts and see if there isn't the tiniest squib of honesty there that shames them about not throwing their own bodies up for a war for which they have bleated so loudly. As the Army struggles to meet its recruiting goals, it is considering lowering standards regarding criminal background, education, aptitude, and possibly even sexual orientation. This last alteration alone should have the good Republicans flocking to enlist to prevent gay soldiers from protecting their asses, even if conscience can't motivate them.

It's a simple equation, folks. If you support the war and yet do not volunteer to fight it yourself (or, if you are overage, then encourage your children to enlist), you are a hypocrite and a coward and not deserving the spittle that should be sprayed at you from those who have so honorably and selflessly served.

Here are a couple of people who are going in your place, you fucking chickenshits:

Many of those soldiers who have answered the call have come to Fort Jackson, S.C., for training. It's a place none of them really expected to be. In fact, very few expected to be mobilized at all.

"I automatically started crying for about two hours. I couldn't stop, because I knew I was gonna have to leave my babies," says Spc. Carey Trevino, who was called up in August.

She's 31, and has three kids; the youngest, a 7-month-old baby boy. She'll be leaving her children behind when she goes to Iraq for another year and a half.

"I need to serve my country and the call has come out, so I am doing that," says Chief Warrant Officer Margaret Murray, who did her active duty back in the '60s.

She's 55, and 4 feet, 8 inches tall. Her M-16 is almost as big as she is, but that didn't stop her from qualifying as a marksman this week.

Does she find it unusual that the Army is now calling up a female soldier in her 50s?

"No, although I think what they need to look at is our ability to perform in a tactical environment," says Murray. "For myself, I am going to find that a difficult thing to do physically."

Especially if Murray winds up in a place like Fallujah. Does she find that daunting? "Scary," says Murray. "[But] I need to do my job. … I did not retire. And so, now the Army's calling me back to service. And I'm here to do that."

Doesn't that make you feel proud, tough, like a real American freedom fighter?

Chimpie could go a long way toward improving his image if he put daughters Jenna and Barbara up as new recruits. Such a gesture from the "war president" would help stimulate the Republican base to get in the act instead of cowering on the sidelines, shitting themselves that they might be held accountable for the policies they cheerlead. Out of the bleachers, Republicans! Iraq and Afghanistan beckon to you to show your love.