Should a Man Who Fears Being Sodomized by SpongeBob SquarePants be Planning the Demise of the Courts?

James Dobson, whose sphincter tightens like an anaconda on a piglet whenever he sees a yellow sponge, has been sharing ideas with the likes of Senate Leader Bill Frist and House Majority Leader Tom "Giant Flying Cockroach" DeLay on how to destroy any courts that inhibit their quest to establish a religio-fascist, one-party, one-god state in what was the United States of America. According to audio recordings of meetings with their drooling acolytes in March, Dobson and ally Tony Perkins (head of the Family Research Council, aka Fascists for Reestablishing Tradition in Women as Property, Non-Believers as Slaves, and Gays as Objects to Burn) seek to pressure the Senate to establish the "nuclear option" to deny the filibuster on judicial appointments. That's not news, but this is: In addition to this anti-democratic move, they want to get the Congress to cut the funding of any court that displeases them. According to the Los Angeles Times story,

"There's more than one way to skin a cat, and there's more than one way to take a black robe off the bench," said Tony Perkins, president of the conservative Family Research Council, according to an audiotape of a March 17 session.

What's another way to skin that cat? Tom the Cockroach provided it just six days earlier:

"We set up the courts. We can unset the courts. We have the power of the purse," DeLay said at an April 13 question-and-answer session with reporters.

And Perkins admitted that he had made the suggestion to lawmakers the week before that:

Perkins said that he had attended a meeting with congressional leaders a week earlier where the strategy of stripping funding from certain courts was "prominently" discussed. "What they're thinking of is not only the fact of just making these courts go away and re-creating them the next day but also defunding them," Perkins said.

He said that instead of undertaking the long process of trying to impeach judges, Congress could use its appropriations authority to "just take away the bench, all of his staff, and he's just sitting out there with nothing to do."

Now for those of you who think I'm just an anti-Christian bigot, let me point out that beyond casting aspersions on SpongeBob's bedroom activities and promulgating fear about his influence in getting young boys to bare their buttocks to one another, the warmth and fuzziness of Dobson and Perkins goes much farther. According to the LA Times story,

Perkins and Dobson laid out a history of court rulings they found offensive, singling out the recent finding by the Supreme Court that executing minors was unconstitutional.

Yes, Mr. Dobson and Mr. Perkins have been extremely upset that the United States has ceded to Somalia the honor of being the only country on earth that as national policy will put children to death. They should take comfort in our foreign policies, however, which in the past twelve years are partially responsible for the death of a half million Iraqi children, to which you can a some more thousands of innocent lives due to "collateral damage" in this failed oil grab in the Arab world.

But just to show I am as fair-minded as the next guy, I did find one thing that Dobson said that I agree with. His take on the whole SpongeBob affair was that he took a beating in the media because of a misunderstanding. He didn't say SpongeBob himself was gay, only that he promoted a gay agenda. As to the future,

"This will not be the last thing that you read about that makes me look ridiculous," he said.

Fuckin' A, Reverend. You got that right. I know I can count on you to keep the supply of the ridiculous coming in truckloads.