Global Warming May Be Bad, But It Gets Worse

I had to change into my cool yellow HazMat suit for this one. As you may have heard, the United Nations report on climate change is none too cheerful, and even as gloomy as it is, there is speculation that it is still too optimistic and that things are going to get far worse much quicker than is being reported. I understand the need for caution--we don't want global panic. But on the other hand, I feel it is my duty to my reader(s), which although declining (the number of my readers, not my duty) to reveal the heretofore hidden portions of the report.

So grab your favorite beverage, make it a double, then double that, and sit down for a minute. Here's what no one is telling you until now.

Godzilla is coming back. And this time, he's bringing his homies: the Giant Behemoth, Mothra, and Rodan. The increase in ocean temperatures has re-stimulated the regeneration capabilities of these various monsters' remaining parts in the various watery areas of the world where they have lain for several decades. Not since the nuclear bomb testing in the Pacific at places like Enewetak, Bikini Atoll, and Christmas Island has this phenomenon occurred, and the disaster that awaits us when these beasts arise from the seas will make global warming seem only a minor inconvenient truth. What's a hurricane compared to 20,000 tons of angry lizard who breathes radioactive fire? What's FEMA gonna do about that, eh?

Let me point out that one of the primary effects of Godzilla's radioactive breath is electromagnetic pulse (EMP), which will disable anything within range that contains microprocessors, and that means just about everything these days--automobiles, aircraft, communication systems, ovens, all computers of course, and even heart pacemakers (Sorry, Dick, but sometimes being an evil cyborg does have its disadvantages).

Stay tuned and start your bunker preparations. It's going to be every Jane and John for her- or himself when the giant lizards, insects, and pteranodons come over the horizon.

You've been warned.