This is a lost day. I've got an interview at 2:30--yes, for a fucking job--and another tomorrow morning at 9:30am. The interview today is for a part-time techie position, but I'm pretty sure they'll find it suspicious that I want to take a low-level 3/4 time slot, and I can't outright declare that I'm semi-retired. Tomorrow's interview is for a writing gig for technology crap, also part-time. They'll take one look at me and say to themselves, "This old fuck? Who wants to listen to his boring stories?"
Truth be told, I don't really want either of these, and so I ask you all--should I use this opportunity to be totally honest in the interview? You know, like when they ask me about my proudest accomplishment, I tell them about getting my boss fired for masturbating at his desk. Or if they ask about my biggest mistake I could admit that to be when I got caught stealing Polonium 210 from the nuclear lab I was working in. Never did find it, either. And as to why I want to work in their facility, I could explain the benefits of having a warm place to shit and a free high-speed internet connection, not to mention all the office supplies.
I need help here, my friends (and enemies). Let's help Olaf scorch the interview. Give him your very best advice.
21 comments:
I'd love to hear that story. Why not get an agent for writing? You could attest to being the all time hero of interviews. OR, better yet, you could get as many interviews as possible, go into them with that type of absolute honesty, write the shit down, come up with some bizarre narrative arc memoir style, or a big, overriding question about pretentiousness and capitalism, and do it literary journalism style like Schlosser's Fast Food Nation. You could interview at McDonald's, at Disney world, IBM, Microsoft, a janitorial supply house, wherever, and see how much they are the same. That'd be a funny book, and you might just have the right narrative voice for it. Either that or suck it up, say what they want to hear and get a paycheck. I'm hoping for the former, but the latter seems the safe path. If you're getting that old, though, might be time to go balls out...
Man, that's a great idea! Assume a Borat-like persona and ask questions like, "What is your policy on sex at my desk, so long as it's not during business hours?" Or, "Is it me, or is that receptionist the same gal I did the porno film with called 'Romancing the Bone'?"
If I just didn't hate interviews to much, or looking for jobs.
Somebody send me $1,000,000, PLEASE!
Wow. I would buy that book, Olaf. I hope you do this. I hate capitalism so much. SPeaking of interviews, I didn't get that job (after 2, count em, TWO, nerve-wracking interviews with a stupid bitch comp instructor who clearly felt threatened by my youth and brilliance). I hope you write this book.
Sorry to hear you didn't get it, MB. Shouldn't interviews be PAID--after all, they're taking our valuable time for their own perverse entertainment.
This is why capitalism LOVES surplus labor.
$1,000,000--anyone? I promise to quit writing this blog for a paltry $1,000,000. Rupert? Rupert Murdoch? Are you reading this?
if you all hate capitalism so much, don't let the proverbial door hit your collective asses on the way out!! it is what this country was built upon, and is what has made it the only super power still standing. if you were half as "brilliant" as you claim, you would already have good paying jobs.
Oh, one other thing Mr. (Ms.?) Anonymous. If you put your money (of which I assume you have an excess, being a competent capitalist and all that) where your mouth is, why don't you pay me to shut the fuck up? That's what a successful capitalist would do.
So what's your problem?
Brilliant? Who's brilliant? Am I brilliant? Of course I am. I revel in it, by God. And so-and-so Anon, we commies are coming for your ass. Hehehe. We're the spooks in the night, the jerkoffs that rip those fucking ribbons off your SUVs. Those damn bastards who give a five dollar bill to that scumbag outside McDonald's begging for a meal. And I tell you, we do it just to get him off the streets, so we don't have to look at him. All right, I admit, I'm getting a bit ornery. Capitalism, in its pure sense is a decent way to go. Just like Communism. Not that I'm a fucking Commie or anything. Heavens no. But it takes a high level of ethical enlightenment to beat the temptations of either. Are we there yet? Eh, I don't know. I'm an optimist at heart, and I think someday we'll have a chance. Or else die trying, and Mama Nature will flick us off like fleas and play a new game of Solitaire. And honestly, I have no idea how much money Anon might have. That person has either got it, or else wishes for it. Ah, bless capitalism and all the wonderful things it brings: a material life fraught with strife to keep it, or else the beloved envy to acquire it. Either way, there's just something empty there. Of course, that assumes there is something that might actually fill the cup. Wonder what that might be? Another fucking ribbon on my SUV? God bless, and good night...
Oh yes! Anonymous is right! Our country WAS built on the "ideal" of capitalism... Boy those were the days... slavery, co-opted labor of women, rampant economic oppression...
I tell you what, Olaf. Back then, a white man could really live the dream... getting rich off the suffering of others... sigh.
Well, we can still exploit "illegal" immigrants, right? Just ask Mitt Romney, right-wing future presidential candidate who can simultaneously call for crackdowns on immigration while earning dough from their labor.
I love the power of money!!!
And Scotchyogi's point about pure communism or capitalism requiring self-restraint is spot on--if we could somehow eliminate excessive selfishness (do you really need a fifty-room house, or the power to destroy other people's lives) either of these systems would work well, because a society of generous but hardworking people would produce more than enough for all.
I'm a Wobbly and I approve this message
typical dribble. sure, i'll send you the money....lol. un-like you i don't expect the government (nor anyone else) to give me a damn thing. i am not looking for a free ride. i have had to work extremely hard for the meager existance that i have accomplished for me and my family. and i don't worship o'reilly nor do i use xanex, but nice of you to assume such things.
Lucky for you that you are able to eek out a meager existence. I teach at a city college in a large city inhabited by many impoverished people who remain impoverished regardless of how hard they work. Many of my students work harder than I (or you, I would venture to guess) could ever imagine. One student of mine works 3 jobs, two of which are 30 hours per week. She still takes classes part time to attempt to make her life better. Even with all of her hard work, she still must rely on food stamps and other government programs to feed and protect her children.
I know you were responding primarily to Olaf's comments, but you didn't mention my assertion that the capitalist system is inherently corrupt, and in order for it to "work," economic oppression is necessary. It seems to me that most of the people who are hurt by capitalism are hard working people like my student, not those who "expect...a free ride" as you suggest.
I also find it interesting that you are so in favor of capitalism, regardless of your own assertion that it hasn't really worked in your favor. I will never understand why so many middle class and working class Americans remain so staunchly in favor of a system that exploits them.
mb,
with all due respect, when was the last time you really visited an inner city area. you have no clue as to how many people in this country are in it for the free ride, with NO aspirations to better themselves. the girl you mentioned is the exception to this rule, and i hope she is rewarded for her efforts. i too worked two jobs while attending college, and even that was not enough, and i never did get my degree. at one point when i was first married, i would have been (far) better off to actually get "fired" draw un-employment and get all kinds of government aid. this is not nor never will be my mentality, but MANY in this country are looking for the hand-outs.
as for the corruptness of capitalism, i will not dis-agree, but as I have stated, many are happy to just "get by". at least in my employment experience, the structure of competitiveness and capitalism, allows someone to get ahead with hard work and determination.
It also helps if said person is white, male, and has parents with money...
Well, I teach in an "inner-city," and it is hardly the bastion of freeloaders you describe. In fact, the vast majority of the people in this community work several jobs, and still must rely on social programs and charity organizations to get by.
It seems to me that people who accuse "inner-city" dwellers of "expecting handouts" are the ones who have never seen a real inner-city. The people there are just regular people, trying to support their families and make it in a country where the odds are stacked against them.
One more thing...
Even those who are unemployed or drastically underemployed deserve to be able to support their children. There but for luck go you or I.
mb,
as you stated earlier, you teach in an inner city COLLEGE, which is a HUGE difference than a high school. you are getting the few who obviously want to better themselves, which is admirable. My sister teaches in an inner city high school, and i was raised in the inner city of St. Louis, so i speak from experience here. you get a very skewed view of the demographic.
one other thing that i did forget,
i do agree with you that the odds are stacked against anyone who is raised in the inner city areas, i guess my point is that you can better yourself especially if you don't make bad choices early on in your life.
I'm not sure that it makes a difference where I teach. I have worked with poor high school students before, too, and I can't say that much is different. I think the perceived difference is created or constructed by (1) school funding systems that keep poor schools poor, (2) institutionalized racism, which tells teachers (among other things) to expect "problems" from minority students, and (3) the inability of Americans who are working class to identify as working class. There are many more reasons that I don't have time to enumerate right now.
Perhaps the last reason is the most influential, since people are more willing to reach out to and help those with whom they closely identify. Our society is able to alienate and exploit people who work hard, or would if they could, simply because they have had the bad luck to be born in a certain place, with a certain skin color, or to a certain class.
I have this one question for anonymous--do you agree that it is possible to work full-time and not be able to even support yourself?
If that is true in this society, but not true in many other industrial societies (those freeloading Swedes, Norwegians, Finns, Germans, Swiss, Dutch, French, and Austrians, among others come to mind), then could we agree that something is seriously wrong when this condition exists?
Is a society in which the average CEO makes 400-500 times the earning of the average worker a society with a stable future? Can democracy survive an unlimited concentration of wealth in fewer and fewer hands? Why does one of our greatest capitalists of all time--Warren Buffett--bemoan this distribution of wealth to a narrowing segment of American society? Even he recognizes that there are fundamentally dangerous aspects of capitalism that cannot be ignored under a laissez-fair see-no-evil idolatry of the "free" market.
olaf,
to answer your one question, yes, it certainly is possible, however it greatly depends on where in the nation you reside.
but you are seriously mistaken if you think these other nations are perfect wonderlands. if they were, they would be superpowers too. can we do things better in America, of course we can. the amount of corruption in government and corporate amerca is sickening. but your robin hood theory needs some serious help. how about equal pay for equal EFFORT??? that seems much more logical to me than just simply over-taxing higher income households and giving it to the lower income households.
Anonymous, I did not declare those other countries as paradises, but rather pointed out that they function much more equitably while also offering a higher overall standard of living for all citizens.
That said, you and I agree on one thing 110%--equal pay for equal effort!
Excellent sugggestion. That way, schoolteachers and garbage collectors and fast foot workers would make more than people just sitting in their high rises clipping coupons or wheeling and dealing on the phone. Investment "bankers" would earn exactly what they're worth (oops! There goes Wall Street.) People who actually make something or perform a tangible service that is very difficult (nursing home workers, for example, or those who help developmentally disabled children) would be rewarded with a good wage and we would find lots and lots of very bright and well-educated people taking care of the least fortunate among us.
Let's shake on that.
Oh, and as far as Sweden or Luxemburg being world powers--what advantage, exactly, has that brought? Being the most powerful nation (militarily, at least) is not much of a blessing when we can't even bail our own asses out of a fiasco like Iraq, and even manage to drag allies into the diminishing control of Afghanistan.
Of course, opium production is at all time high. We rule! World power! Let's get some more!
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